Astrological fortune telling

"Your fan base is growing."

- Today's horoscope.

Jets unable to rally, season ends with heartbreaker

Overall 1 - 3 

Week 4 

It was a tough night for the lovable Jets. After a bad first inning, we couldn't recover. Though it's always hard to end the season with a loss - or in our case, three - I would say we've had the most fun of any group on those terribly maintained fields. Screw the crown, I say Miss Congeniality always has last laugh. 

Congrats must be sent out to S and A for their solo home runs, a great way to end a tough season. I left with a feeling of being slightly out of shape, two blisters, one cookie and with dignity still intact. I'm sad it's over, but now it's time for the next. 

Possibilities: dominating Twister game night, professional hopscotch, hot dog eating contest, the Scottish games. 

*Cue motivational, empowering music*  

Little 500 2K9

Hell yeah, Z.O. You guys were awesome. 

Happy Birthday Kristi

Oh, yes. 

INside Magazine

My last issue. Check it out.

On virtue

"You can't re-gift it. You'll have to get him a sweater." 

Jets' weakness unveiled as lack of champion soundtrack material

Overall 1-2

Week 3

The third installment of the second greatest American pastime was met with dismal weather and a surprising lack of competition. We were pleasantly greeted with the fact that our team had a by for the week, thus granting us our first mark in the "W" column. (It's dirty, but I'll take it.) 

But with a little help from our brand new pretty-damn-rad t-shirts, the team pulled out a great practice. Another addition is mascot Flat Stanley -- straight from an elementary in Wisconsin. (I don't trust him for a second. He wants my MVP title.) 

The playoff season kicks off Sunday. As I prep for victory, which, of course, has nothing to do with physical activity, I notice my severe lack of musical material to push us to a win. Crucial songs I do not own: Eye of the Tiger, We are the Champions, Too Much Booty in da Pants. With this discovery comes the root of our problem. 

Championship, here we come. 

On home security

"I only have two questions: 'Can you teach me to kill someone with my bare hands? And how long is it going to take?’"

- My sociology professor

Jets fall again, find solace in snack foods

Overall 0-2

Week 2

It was another hard week for everybody's favorite slow pitch softballers, who endured their second season loss, 5-4. But, considering the cold game day conditions and a slight lack of ability, we put on a hell of a show, excluding my new injury. 

I've aged. 

This was my sad realization as I hobbled down the baseline in the top of the first. One cold day + my out-of-shape muscles = a nice muscle strain in my right thigh. I'm currently on the slow pitch DL, but with some PT consultation from Dr. Katie (my accident-prone roommate), I'm expected to make a full comeback by next week's game. 

We may not have all the skills, but what we lack in talent we make up for in snacks. Two varieties of cookies and fresh fruit is victory enough. 

Softball stats of the somewhat uncoordinateds.

Overall: 0-1

Week 1

It was the Jets' season opener and the skies couldn't have looked better. We took a hard loss to an overly competitive (and overly talented for the uncompetitive league) team. 

Lessons learned: It's difficult to win with 3 infielders and 2 outfielders; slow pitch batting zones are up for negotiation; we need a more ruthless trash talking campaign. 

The name of the game is intimidation.